I thought I was a regular person????

I used to think I was a regular person, but I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist and responsible for slavery.
 
I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today's standards, makes me a fascist because I plan and support myself.
 
I went to High School, worked through college, and have held a job. I am not here because I earned it, but apparently because I was advantaged.
 
I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.
 
I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and ally of big business.
 
I am not a Muslim, which now labels me as an infidel and/or islamaphobic.
 
I think and I reason, so I doubt what main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.
 
I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive Canadian culture, making me a xenophobe. I value my safety and that of my family, and I appreciate the police and the legal system, making me a right-wing, cop loving extremist.
 
I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual's merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.
 
I believe our system guarantees freedom of effort – not freedom of outcome or subsidies which must make me a borderline sociopath.
 
I believe in the defense and protection of Canada for and by all citizens, now making me a militant.
 
I am proud of our flag, what it stands for, and the many who died to let it fly, so I stand and sing our National Anthem, taking me back where I started – I must be a racist.

 
Please help me come to terms with the new me because I'm just not sure who I am anymore!
 
I thank my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, newfound changes to my thinking! I just can't imagine or understand what's happened to me so quickly!
 
Funny – it all took place over the last 7 or 8 years!
 
If all this nonsense wasn't enough to deal with, now I don't even know which restroom to use, and I gotta go more FREQUENTLY!