I once dated a guy who broke up with me because I only have 9 toes. Yes, he was lack toes intolerant.
I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It's all about raisin awareness.
I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One
day I hope to be a bouillianaire.
If you boil a funny bone, it becomes a laughing stock. Now
that's humerus.
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight.
Did you know muffins spelled backwards is what you do when you
take them out of the oven.
I was walking in the jungle and saw a lizard on his hind legs
telling jokes. I turned to a local tribal leader and said, “That lizard is
really funny!" He replied, "That's not a lizard. He's a stand-up
chameleon."
I tried to come up with a carpentry pun that woodwork. I thought
I nailed it but nobody saw it.
Singing in the shower is fine until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.
The Black-Eyed Peas can sing us a song but the chick peas can
only hummus one.
Then there was the time Fruit of the Loom took Hanes to court.
It was a brief case.
How much does a chimney cost? Nothing, it's on the house.
My friend said she wouldn't eat cow's tongue because it came out
of a cow's mouth. I gave her an egg.
Once upon a time there was a king who was only 12 inches tall.
He was a terrible king but he made a great ruler.
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables. That's
right...Jack and the beans talk.
I was struggling to understand how lightning works and then it
struck me.
Six cows were smoking joints and playing poker. That's right,
the steaks were pretty high.
I went to the paint store to get thinner. It didn't work.
