Fun with puns

 

Dad, are we pyromaniacs?  Yes, we arson. Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.   Just so everyone is clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.   A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.   I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.   How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.   I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.   I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.   Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t "c" in the dark.   Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.   When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, I was given blank stares.   Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.   I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.   I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.   What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.   What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.   I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.