So, apparently Meghan Markle is probably sitting in Montecito right now, clutching her overpriced fruit spread and screaming into the void because David Beckham just turned his kitchen into the stage for the greatest trolling of the year. Sir David casually filmed himself making actual plum jam—the kind with fruit in it—and the internet immediately clocked the shade.
Now, let’s be real. Beckham’s video wasn’t just about jam. Oh no, this was layered. First, there’s Brooklyn Beckham, who recently gave the world a jam tutorial that looked like it belonged in the culinary hall of cringe. Enter dad David, swooping in with a tutorial that actually worked.
Then there’s Meghan Markle, who’s been trying to make fruit spread happen with her As Ever brand. Except—plot twist—her jars aren’t even homemade. They’re churned out by a factory in Illinois. Meanwhile, David is literally growing plums in his Cotswolds garden, bottling honey from his bees (which he once gifted to King Charles, mind you), juicing his own apples, and flexing potatoes on Instagram. He’s living the sustainable dream. Meghan? She’s relabeling syrupy fruit goo and pretending it came from her home kitchen. One is authenticity; the other is Instagram theater. Guess which one audiences prefer.
Victoria Beckham filmed David’s jam session while making cheeky jokes about his juicy plums. And when David proudly unveiled his jar labeled David Beck Jam—iconic—the internet practically crowned him Sir Jamsalot on the spot. Even critics are saying Beckham just made jam for an afternoon and was instantly more watchable than Meghan and Harry’s entire With Love lifestyle campaign.
And let’s not ignore the delicious irony. Meghan tried to position her marmalade and raspberry spread as a symbol of chic domestic goddess vibes. But when the Mail revealed her jars are mass-produced, that illusion popped faster than one of Harry’s polo balls. Compare that to Beckham, who’s been keeping bees since the pandemic and never bragged—just quietly built a hobby into something wholesome. If this is a battle of who’s more relatable, David wins without even breaking a sweat or a jam jar..
Now, here’s the kicker: people actually want to buy Beck Jam. Like, for real—Twitter is begging him to launch a line. Imagine the chaos if he does. Montecito might never recover. The shrieks from Meghan’s mansion would register on the Richter scale. Because while she’s busy rebranding jam as fruit spread and pricing it like it’s liquid gold, David could sell out jars in five minutes, donate proceeds to charity, and look like a national treasure while doing it. That’s Checkmate—Jam Edition.
The funniest part? David and Victoria didn’t even have to say Meghan’s name. Just by existing with actual talent, actual humor, and actual jam, they managed to highlight everything phony about the Sussex PR machine. And honestly, the timing couldn’t be better. The Beckhams have already distanced themselves from Meghan and Harry after that messy fallout. This video feels like their playful, classy way of saying: We’re good without you. Thanks.
So Meghan can keep her As Ever brand of relabeled goo and curated illusions. Because over in the Cotswolds, Sir David Beckham is bottling authenticity, humor, and yes—plums. Forget Hollywood lifestyle grifts. The people have spoken. Give us Beck Jam. Give us real fruit on real toast.
And if Meghan’s really watching from Montecito? Well—this is how you make jam, darling. Take notes.
