| THESE PEOPLE HAVE NOT AND PROBABLY WILL NEVER BE REPLACED FOR WHAT THEY CONTRIBUTED TO THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD!!!! | You may remember the old comics of Vaudeville days: | Shecky Greene,
Red Buttons,
Totie Fields,
Joey Bishop,
Milton Berle,
Jan Murray,
Danny Kaye,
Henny Youngman,
Buddy Hackett,
Sid Caesar,
Groucho Marx,
Jackie Mason,
Victor Borge,
Woody Allen,
George Burns,
Allan Sherman,
Jerry Lewis,
Peter Sellers,
Carl Reiner,
Shelley Berman,
Gene Wilder,
George Jessel,
Alan King,
Mel Brooks,
Phil Silvers,
Jack Carter,
Rodney Dangerfield,
Don Rickles,
Jack Benny
and so many others.
And there was not one single swear word in their comedy. Here are a few examples:
· I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
· I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years! If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
· What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
· Someone stole all my credit cards but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
· We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
· My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night; only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
· My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea .
· She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That's only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
· The Doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill so the doctor gave him another six months.
· The Doctor called Mrs. Smith saying, "Mrs Smith, your check came back." Mrs. Smith answered, "So did my arthritis!"
· The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I am 60!"
Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking."
The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
Q: Why do divorces cost so much?
A: They're worth it.
A man called his mother, “Mom, how are you?”
“Not too good,” said the mother. “I've been very weak.”
The son said, “Why are you so weak?”
She said, “Because I haven't eaten in 38 days.”
The son said, “That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?”
The mother answered, “Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call.”
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