· I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
· How does an attorney
sleep? First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other side.
· How do you make holy
water? You take some regular water & boil the hell out of it.
· Will glass coffins be a
success? Remains to be seen.
· What’s the difference
between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little
lighter.
· Hear about the new
restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
· I went to buy some
camouflage trousers yesterday but couldn't find any.
· What do you call a bee
that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
· I tried to sue the
airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
· When everything is
coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
· A cross-eyed teacher
couldn’t control his pupils.
· She had a photographic
memory but never developed it.
· Is it ignorance or
apathy that's destroying the world today? I don't know and don't really care.
· I wasn’t originally
going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
· My ex-wife still misses
me. But her aim is starting to improve.
· The guy who invented the
door knocker got a no-bell prize.
· I saw an ad for burial
plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
· I used to be indecisive;
now I'm not so sure.
· Sleeping comes so
naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
· What did the grape say
when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.
· What do you call a super articulate dinosaur? A Thesaurus.
