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A penny saved is obviously the result of a government
oversight.
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The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right
time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting
moment.
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The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a new
replacement for it.
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He who hesitates is probably doing the right thing.
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Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are ' XL.'
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If you think there is some good in everybody, you obviously haven't met
'everybody'.
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If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone
else in mind to blame.
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The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so that he can tell when
he's 'really' in trouble.
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There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For
example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
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Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together
it spells 'Theirs.'
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Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age
and start bragging about it.
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The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
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Some people try to turn back their life's odometers. Not me, I want people to
know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long, long way and some
of the roads weren't paved.
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When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of
Algebra.
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You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
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One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice
change from being young.
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Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your
zipper. It's even worse when you forget to pull it down.
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Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called
witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.
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