As your
beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
- Phyllis Diller
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Housework
can't kill you, but why take a chance? - Phyllis Diller
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Cleaning
your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the
sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
The reason women
don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same
outfit in public.
- Phyllis Diller
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Best
way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
A bachelor is a
guy who never made the same mistake once.
- Phyllis Diller
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I want my children to have all the things
I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis
Diller
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Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis
Diller
My
photographs don't do me justice -they look just like me.
-Phyllis
Diller
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I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He
said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'
-Phyllis
Diller
The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head
down is so you can't see him laughing.
-Phyllis
Diller
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You
know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
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