♦ I read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?
♦ I find it
ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are
flashing behind you.
♦ When wearing
a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite they only look at
the covered parts.
♦ Relationships
are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
♦ America is a
country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy
but won't cross the street to vote.
♦ You know that
tingly little feeling you get when you love someone? That's your common
sense leaving your body.
♦ My therapist
says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that!
♦ I think my
neighbor is stalking me as she's been Googling my name on her computer. I saw
it through my telescope last night.
♦ Money talks
... but all mine ever says is good-bye.
♦ You're not
fat, you're just easier to see.
♦ If you think
nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
♦ I always
wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a
bra and say, "Here, fill this out?"
♦ I can’t
understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line
named, "Sag Harbor."
♦ Denny’s has a
slogan, "If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us." If you’re in
Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!
♦ The location
of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe
before you start looking like a mental patient.
♦ I think it's
pretty cool how Chinese people made a language entirely out of tattoos.
♦ Money can’t
buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch!
♦ The reason
Mayberry was so peaceful and quiet was because nobody was married. Andy, Aunt
Bea, Barney, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T Bass, Helen, Thelma
Lou, Clara and, of course, Opie were all single. The only married person was
Otis, and he stayed drunk.
