Actual call center conversations:
Customer:
'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?’
Operator:
'Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer:
'It's on the door of your business.’
Operator:
'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.
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Samsung Electronics
Caller:
'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you
are talking about.'
Caller: 'On page 1,
section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that
I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the
number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on
the wall.'
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RAC Motoring Services
Caller:
'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia? '
Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?’
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about
legal requirements while traveling in Europe )
'If I register my car in France , and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’
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Directory Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please'
Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.’
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Then there was the
caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator:
'Woven? Are you sure?'
Caller:
'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland …'
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On another occasion, a
man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I
haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.’
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Tech
Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open
Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK.'
Tech
Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech Support:
'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No.'
Tech
Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have
done up until this point?'
Customer:
'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click’.'
Tech
Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of
your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer:
'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?
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Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just
realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system
clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’
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This has to be one of the funniest things
in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a
true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a
recording monitoring the customer care department..............
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer
assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:
'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .'
Operator: 'What sort of
trouble?'
Caller:
'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller:
'They disappeared'
Operator: 'Hmm. So what does
your screen look like now?'
Caller:
'Nothing.'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller:
'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in
WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller:
'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the 'C:
prompt' on the screen?'
Caller:
'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you
move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:
'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..'
Operator: 'Does your monitor
have a power indicator?'
Caller:
'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with
the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller:
'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then
look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller:
'Yes, I think so.'
Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the
cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall..
Caller:
'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind
the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '
Caller:
'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there
are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.'
Caller:
'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for
me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
the back of your computer..'
Caller:
'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'OK. Well, can
you see if it is?'
Caller:
'No..'
Operator: 'Even if you
maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?'
Caller:
'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's
dark.'
Operator: 'Dark?'
Caller:
'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.'
Operator: 'Well, turn on
the office light then.'
Caller:
'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not?'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power
.... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller:
'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'
Operator: 'Good. Go
get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.'
Caller:
'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm
afraid it is.'
Caller:
'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator: 'Tell
them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'
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When I worked at Ritchie Bros. Auctioneers, I was visiting in the Support Center. One of the agents hung up and said "another twelve o'clock flash". I had no idea what they were referring to, so I asked:
A twelve o'clock flash is a person who has a video tape recorder and doesn't ever set the time because they don't know how. Thus: A twelve o'clock flash!